I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
