dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
