He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
