Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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