One girl and one boy is just not enough.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
