My room smells like vodka and shame
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
