also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
i would punch a child for taco bell
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
