I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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