the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
