I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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