Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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