just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
