If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
