Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
