She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
