She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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