My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You may now shotgun with the bride
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
