I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
