4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
