1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
