i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
