all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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