Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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