there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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