I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
