You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
