if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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