Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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