And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize