her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
