I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
