She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Everclear isn't food dammit
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
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