I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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