That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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