You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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