He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
