hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
