girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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