I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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