I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
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