We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
