We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
