I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
