Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
