spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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