He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
