I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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