I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
