Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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