hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
