Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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