Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
